schematics
by natalee moon
Summary: Don't even think about it." It was Rose, in her underwear, and for a moment he really did forget what he was thinking about. "I know that look," she said sternly, "And you've got papers. Are those....schematics?"


"Don't even think about it."

It was Rose in her underwear and for a moment he really did forget what he was thinking about.

"I know that look," she said sternly, "And you've got papers. Are those...schematics?"

His mouth opened but no words came out, "I...perhaps."

"Going to see the Captain were we?"

One eyebrow was up now. This meant he was in trouble. Not terrible trouble mind, but trouble enough that staring any longer at her underwear was a bad idea.

"Just a few suggestions. Minor adjustments. Nothing dangerous this time I promise!"

One hand on her hip. These schematics were going no where. At his rate the boat would be two days late to its next call of port. They were reading the wind all wrong. Not to mention the currents. And don't get him started on calculating for shifts in the stars. And it was definitely too much to ask for instruments that adjusted for time flux.

Fingers tapping impatiently. He definitely hadn't seen this particular pair of underwear before. Mustn't look long. Just one more glance. Right. Back to the matter at hand.

"And last time you gave our Captain schematics what happened?"

He scratched uncomfortably behind his ear and shuffled the papers.

"Wellll...you mean the helicopter pilot? I may have trusted him too much to execute the particulars resulting in the unfortunate conversion of the rotor blade to a....ahh...."

"I believe the words you're searching for are 'meteorological paradox capacitor'."

His eyebrows went up and pleasure danced around the corners of his mouth at her particularly clever memory but a warning look from her silenced his praise.

"There was a very nice rainbow after I fixed it," he defended.

"A rather unnatural number of rainbows as I recall," she retorted.

"Well, they were all very pretty," he sulked.

"And the Train Conductor?"

He shifted between his feet still finding flip-flops horribly unnatural. Time Lords, even part-human Time Lords, did _not_ like anything between their toes. However, Time Lords, especially part-human Time Lords, found obeying Rose Tyler on their honeymoon had extremely satisfying results. Flip-flops? So very, very worth it. Swim trunks? Less to take off later. Sun block in the eyes? Rose pressed up against him, murmuring in pity and helping him to wash it out...mmm that had been very nice indeed.

Focus. Train Conductor. Well, that train had been abominably inefficient. He'd wanted to change the entire conducting station and had very reasonably chosen only one attribute instead. Generous really.

"All I _suggested_ was that he simply reroute the steam flow by a few, minimally challenging degrees to ensure a swifter, smoother ride for everyone."

"What could a few, _minimal_ degrees possibly risk doing eh?" she mocked.

"It slipped my mind that that particular variance of atomic steam, once altered, had a rather unusual affect on gravity."

"You're lucky none of the windows were open," she chastised.

"I fixed it quick enough!" he grumbled.

"How you convinced everyone that the mountain air somehow caused it is beyond me!"

"I can be very charming when I want to be," he grinned. This grin used to work. Was he doing it wrong? It was the flip-flops. He was too uncomfortable to grin properly.

"And the float plane pilot?"

He scowled, "I can't be held responsible for that. I couldn't possibly have known we were flying over a paradigm shift at the precise moment he executed my extremely clever suggestion."

"We almost ended up in space."

"I'm sure the force of the tectonic geyser wouldn't have thrown us that far," he replied, a bit dejected.

"You also turned our tour guides GPS into a sonic pulse emitter during our safari."

"He didn't do it properly and I had no idea the elephants would react that way."

Both hands on hips now. Tongue between teeth, not in a grin but to help make a disappointed 'tsk' noise. She looked as though he had let her down. She looked as though she had no confidence in him whatsoever. She had never looked at him like this _before._ Never at the _old him_.

All the colour drained out of his face and the schematics lowered as he said hollowly, "I know what you're thinking."

"Yeah?" she asked, eyebrows going up, "What's that?"

"You think I'm not as...not as clever as he was. That I botch everything up. I suppose I do..."

She looked rather astonished by this and her mouth quirked, "Not as clever as yourself? The same Doctor who once used a jar of peanut butter, four olives and a match to fix the TARDIS?"

He smiled in memory, "Blimey that's right. Ahhh olives, brilliant they are. Did you know Rose that olives--" a sharp look and he stopped, "Right," then "Wait a minute, are you saying we're both equally dumb?"

"Equally mad actually," she clarified.

Then she came over. Those were, without a doubt, the best underwear so far. She gently reached for the schematics and pulled them from his grasp.

"First of all, we're on a boat in the middle of the ocean. I don't even want to know how wrong that can go."

She put the papers aside and stepped closer until they were touching. He lost sight of the underwear but found he didn't mind as she pressed up against him.

"Second of all, why don't you put that brain to use and build us some schematics to make the hot tub more fun?"

A delighted grin overtook his face and as their toes touched she smiled and said, "Nice flip-flops."

Then she leaned into a nice, long kiss and completely mussed up his hair. That was his favorite part. No it wasn't, the kissing was. No it wasn't the next part was.

Although his completely brilliant schematics for the hot tub resulted in its torpedo-like launch through the side of the boat and into the distant horizon (happily before they climbed in, unhappily with those spectacular underwear on the side never to be seen again) Rose was able to cleverly spin the situation and demand a room upgrade after such a dangerous encounter with a clearly defective hot tub.

Wrapped up together later in their extremely luxurious first class suite bed the Doctor traced patterns through her hair, down her arms and over her wedding band.

"I promise no more schematics," he breathed happily, still recovering from the past hour's indescribably pleasurable activities. He'd have promised Rose a moon made of cheese and a yacht made of crackers to eat it on if she'd asked for it.

"I dunno," she murmured, reaching past him, "Self replicating chocolate fondue. _That_ is brilliant. Mmmm strawberries in chocolate."

She kissed him, mouth still full and teased, "Thanks my clever husband!"

Her Doctor smiled at her but she could already see the gears ticking. No doubt the backyard would soon sport a dodgy, dangerous chocolate pool once they were home again.

No one said life with her Doctor would be dull. It was however, decidedly delicious.


End file.
